MAN – WOMAN – LOVE – WOMAN – MAN – LOVE

WOMAN:

Is this love?  

Is this real?  

Can you explain to me  

Exactly how you feel? 

 

MAN:

 I would climb a mountain, sail any sea 

I would do anything, please believe me   

My love for you is real and totally true   

There is nothing for you I would not do  

 

WOMAN:

You say love conquers all 

Love makes one strong

Love turns everything right 

And sees no wrong  

 

MAN:

Yes I do say this for I believe it true 

I was divinely blessed, the day I met you  

In you, I have found the strength to conquer all 

My love for you rights all wrongs, big and small  

 

WOMAN:

Forgive me my sweet 

For questioning you   

You see I have to be sure 

That your love is true  

 

MAN:

My precious my sweet believe me when I say 

You are the only lady that has ever made me feel this way   

For the rest of my life, I will love you and be true 

Now that you give me your all, this and so much more will I do  

 Poem from ‘Despite all odds: A Dream Fulfilled Part II’

7

 

Ebooks from GLL Publishing available at Amazon, Smashwords etc – Books also available via http://www.gllpublishing.com

Despite all odds: A Dream Fulfilled Part 1

Despite all odds: A Dream Fulfilled Part 2

Truths, Lies And Untold Secrets

Blood Borne Connections

U Murder U (Suicide)

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https://www.facebook.com/Blood-Borne-Connections-book-121559344708084/?ref=hl 

 

abcd

 

‘Hope’ taken from ‘Despite all odds: A Dream Fulfilled’

abcd

Despite all odds: A Dream Fulfilled Part 1 and Part 2 are part of the GLL Publishing Collection

 

“Hope

My pessimistic friend says that I am a joke

That I am too optimistic because I am called Hope.

We were once ‘one’ before but he made a choice one day

To remove me from his life, now he lives in a hope-less way.

He blames me for the pain and misery he suffers from all the time.

I have tried to tell him to change because his choices are his not mine.

 

You see I am what is considered a good thing

I have lost count of the many joys and anticipated blessings I bring.

There are so many people that look forward to a brighter day

 

So I am constantly called upon to show them the way.

I work hand in hand with a wonderful loyal dedicated friend

His name is Faith and he is strong, resilient and does not bend.

 

All good things come in threes so I am told

That probably explains why we have a third partner who is so glorious and bold.

He is the greatest of the three of us, full of passion and so strong

There is nothing He cannot do, and when you repent He forgives your every wrong.

His name is Love and He is truly the Great of great

Our mission: I, Hope, have Faith and with Love we operate.”

 

 

Ebooks from GLL Publishing available at Amazon, Smashwords etc – Books also available via http://www.gllpublishing.com

Despite all odds: A Dream Fulfilled Part 1

Despite all odds: A Dream Fulfilled Part 2

Truths, Lies And Untold Secrets

Blood Borne Connections

U Murder U (Suicide)

http://www.gllpublishing.com

https://www.facebook.com/gllpublishings.co.uk?ref=hl

https://www.facebook.com/Blood-Borne-Connections-book-121559344708084/?ref=hl 

 

 

 

Happy Birthday to Me – 3rd February – I’m going to lose one stone in one month!

bath

My broken bath – I tried to mend the crack with brown tape – It didn’t work 🙂

 

I was scheduled to go on holiday to Orlando on the 19th of December 2016 and on the 18th my bath cracked and I couldn’t use it. My flight was a morning flight so I had to go to the gym, work out and shower there before heading to the airport.

When I got back to London on New Year’s day I still had a broken bath so again I had to go to the gym, work out first then have a shower.

On the 3rd of January, I decided to make a change in my life. It would be my birthday in one month, on the 3rd of February and I needed to lose some weight, I needed to get healthy in my mind, body, and soul.

So what did I decide to do?

I decided to look at my broken bath as a blessing and not a pain.

I decided to go to keep going to the gym and get fit.

I’ve given myself a month to change my lifestyle and it will be my birthday gift to me x

I have taken some ‘before’ pictures and will share them with you next month with my ‘after’ pictures.

Wish me luck 🙂

 

7

 

Ebooks from GLL Publishing available at Amazon, Smashwords etc – Books also available via http://www.gllpublishing.com

Despite all odds: A Dream Fulfilled Part 1

Despite all odds: A Dream Fulfilled Part 2

Truths, Lies And Untold Secrets

Blood Borne Connections

U Murder U (Suicide)

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https://www.facebook.com/gllpublishings.co.uk?ref=hl

https://www.facebook.com/Blood-Borne-Connections-book-121559344708084/?ref=hl 

 

 

Merry Christmas Everyone – We’re Having a Great Time in Orlando

Beautiful Things

 

What is Beauty?

Some say beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Some say beauty is skin deep

What do you say?

A wise person told me once that beauty can be likened to a  package which contains external looks, the heart, and personality and we often get carried away by the external that we miss the internal contents.

I think that we are all capable of being beautiful so do something beautiful this Christmas – be kind, loving and generous with your time.

 

abcd

Blood Borne Connections is part of the GLL Publishing Collection!

 

 

Ebooks from GLL Publishing available at Amazon, Smashwords etc – Books also available via http://www.gllpublishing.com

Despite all odds: A Dream Fulfilled Part 1

Despite all odds: A Dream Fulfilled Part 2

Truths, Lies And Untold Secrets

Blood Borne Connections

U Murder U (Suicide)

http://www.gllpublishing.com

https://www.facebook.com/gllpublishings.co.uk?ref=hl

https://www.facebook.com/Blood-Borne-Connections-book-121559344708084/?ref=hl 

 

 

 

Blood Borne Connections – Chapter 12

Blood Borne Connections - book cover

 

Chapter 12

‘My transformation – Taťána to Tatiana’

 

When I was fifteen, I used to help the teachers in the orphanage teach English and History to the children. I knew that I wanted to be a teacher and I hoped to take some examinations and train as a teacher. My little sister, Tereza, was eight years old and had long ago forgotten our parents. I tried to remind her with photographs but she would shake her head and call me her mother, “Matka Tata”, I tried to get her to call me sister but she would shake her head and say, “No Sestra Tata, Matka Tata” – she reminded me of my mother – strong minded.

The orphanage was a good and safe place managed by Mrs. Izabela Svobodová. She was like a guardian angel – she really cared about us children and never hid her feelings. We used to hear horror stories of different orphanages in Europe where the children were treated very badly. Some had terrible buildings where children would literally freeze in winter and some had buildings with no windows so that when it rained, inside would get wet. We heard stories of girls driven out of orphanages when they were sixteen and ending up as prostitutes. We heard stories of overcrowded orphanages where the children were not cared for properly, not educated and were bullied or beaten regularly by the workers. We didn’t have any of that at our orphanage. We were treated well, given respect and love and told to treat other people respectfully and with love (to love our neighbor as our self).

Mrs. Svobodová would not stand for bullying or ill treatment of the children by any worker and for this I loved her as I would a favorite aunt if I had one. The day she was suddenly taken ill and had to be taken by ambulance to a hospital in Prague was a sad day for all of us. We had a new woman come in to manage the orphanage called Mrs. Mertle. She told us that she was from Poland and had lived in Czechoslovakia for over twenty years. She said she had so many new ideas for the orphanage which she would immediately implement because she didn’t think that Mrs. Svobodová would survive her illness. The first thing I noticed about her was what I can only describe as bleak ‘hollowness’. Maybe I am wiser now and I am looking back in hindsight and this makes me critical of her actions. The truth is if I am critical of her actions then what should I say about my own?

It was on a Wednesday that the lady from America came to the orphanage. She came in a big car that most of us had never seen before and she wore a big hat that none of us had ever seen before. Her blonde hair shone in the sun and her clothes looked like she had stepped off the page of one of the contraband American fashion magazines which Mr. Kovář, our head gardener and security man kept in his shed. Tereza said – ‘she looked shiny and new and not real’. Wise words from a little girl!

“She wants to take five girls who can speak and understand English very well back to America and give them a chance of a better life, a life free from communism.”

Even now those words still haunt me. They still manage to pierce my soul, to unpick a healing wound in my heart and lay it bare for all types of infections to invade – to shatter me! I wish that I had never heard those words spoken by Mrs. Mertle that day. I wish that the American lady had never come to the orphanage. With all my heart I wish that Mrs. Svobodová had never taken ill and had to leave the orphanage. But what good is wishing? I could wish until I was blue in the face and nothing would have changed.

Back then, I thought I was one of the chosen, one of the selected few. All five of us went around looking down on the other children – we acted like we were better than them. There were over ten girls between fifteen and sixteen who could speak and understand English but I had been chosen because in my head I was special. My mother had talked about leaving Czechoslovakia and going to the West and I was going to live her dream. The American lady told us that we would either be adopted by a good American family or be able to live in an American orphanage. She said that she had a lot of contacts in America; she knew people in modeling agencies and wealthy people who were looking for European nannies or au pairs who would be happy with us because we were all pretty and once we were eighteen we could get jobs. We would be able to help our brothers or sisters by sending them money for a ticket so they would one day join us in America. At the time I didn’t think it strange that the five of us selected all had a brother or a sister in the orphanage. In fact Mrs. Mertle said that this was an added bonus as we were securing a bright future for our siblings. The thought of leaving Tereza broke my heart but the thought of having a better life in America and one day sending for her to come and live with me consoled me. I told myself that I was not only doing this for Tereza, I was doing this for mama and papa as well.

Within days our paperwork was organized and we were set to go. I asked my best friend, Leona, to look after Tereza for me and promised to write to her every week. Leona begged me not to leave the orphanage, she said that she had had a dream that the communist regime would end before 1990. She also said that she had a bad dream about the American woman but I refused to listen to her. Leona was always having dreams; we sometimes teased her and called her ‘Leona Josephina the dreamer’. We often told her she was like Joseph in the Bible who was always dreaming and annoying his brothers and like Joseph she had been sent to annoy us. She would retaliate by telling us that Joseph’s dreams came true and that God speaks to people through dreams. She was so serious when she told me that I should stay in Czechoslovakia and wait for a few more years. She insisted that things would get better, we would be older and wiser and then we could all go to America or England or Canada, anywhere we wanted to go. She reminded me that we were the four musketeers, me, her, Tereza and Eduard, Leona’s little brother. We had made a vow that we would always stay together and I was now breaking that vow. She cried and begged me for two days but I wouldn’t listen. In the end to get some peace and quiet I told her she was just jealous that she hadn’t been chosen. You should have seen her face; it was like I had hit her with a baseball bat. I have been hit with a baseball bat in America several times so I know what it feels like. On the day I left Czechoslovakia I begged Leona to forgive me. I knew she would take care of Tereza but I didn’t want to leave in the middle of a fight with her. She is a good Christian and she said that she had already forgiven me. We hugged and cried and hugged some more. I kissed and hugged Tereza and hugged Eduard (he tried to be a brave little boy but I saw the tears in his eyes). My own tears blinded me as I climbed into the bus that would take us across Europe to our ultimate destination – America.

 

Ebooks from GLL Publishing available at Amazon, Smashwords etc – Books also available via http://www.gllpublishing.com

Despite all odds: A Dream Fulfilled Part 1

Despite all odds: A Dream Fulfilled Part 2

Truths, Lies And Untold Secrets

Blood Borne Connections

U Murder U (Suicide)

http://www.gllpublishing.com

https://www.facebook.com/gllpublishings.co.uk?ref=hl

https://www.facebook.com/Blood-Borne-Connections-book-121559344708084/?ref=hl 

 

 

Blood Borne Connections – Chapter 10

Measure of a Friend

 

Chapter 10

 

“You said that he treated you badly for years, what happened to make you finally take a stand against him?”

Dorothy had not told anyone about the phone call she had received two days ago. She had not been able to trust anyone, but she knew without a shadow of a doubt that she could trust Julius. “I was getting ready for work two days ago when the phone rang. I was running late and sort of knew that it was someone calling for Nigel so I wasn’t going to answer it but it kept on ringing and something made me pick the receiver up. A young girl was on the other end and she asked if I was Nigel’s wife. I said I was and she told me her name was Tatiana and she was fifteen years old. She had met Nigel at a ‘Singles’ bar, told him she was nineteen and flirted with him. He said that he was going to take her to Disneyland. He told her that I was going to borrow some money from the bank and give it to him and he would use the money to spoil her. She said that when she asked him why I would borrow money from the bank and give it to him to spend on her he told her it was because I was stupid and desperate to keep hold of him. He said the only thing I was useful for was giving him money.” She paused as she thought about the number of times she had given him money or bought him something or done something he had asked even though she had disliked it.

“Dorothy?” Julius encouraged.

She cleared her throat, “Tatiana said that she wasn’t calling me to tell me about the loan and if that was the only thing she wouldn’t have bothered. She said that she was calling because of something Nigel had told her when he was drunk. Something that the man in charge of her had heard and planned to use her as bait to get as much money as possible from him. He told her that after he got his hands on the loan he was going to cash in a life insurance policy he had taken out on me. I didn’t want to believe her, I kept telling her to stop lying to me. Over and over again I kept begging her to stop lying to me. Then she told me something that tore me up – it ripped my heart out,” she paused again.

“What did she tell you?”

“She told me it was Nigel who had hit me on my head with a hammer. She told me he had practiced how he would kill me and part of his plan was to make it look like I had been accident prone for months.”

“What?” He stared at her, shocked and confused.

“I . . . umm, I,” ashamed, she looked away.

“Dorothy, you don’t have to tell me if it makes you feel uncomfortable-”

“No, I do want to tell you. God knows I need to tell someone,” she took a deep breath. “One night I woke up and saw blood on my pillow, my head was throbbing and I panicked. I remember the look of shock and fear on Nigel’s face when I started screaming. He took me to the hospital and told the doctor that I must have been sleep walking again, fallen and hit my head. He said that I had been falling a lot recently. I knew that was a lie but I was confused and my head hurt; I felt dizzy and sick. The doctor examined me for bruises consistent with falls but couldn’t find any. I couldn’t understand what had happened. This stranger on the phone explained that my husband had used a hammer and hit me twice on my head then calmly hid the hammer and went back to sleep. She told me where he had hidden the hammer. I found it exactly where she said it would be, covered in my blood. She said I needed to leave him before he killed me. She said there had been a glint in his eyes when he spoke to her and she knew he was going to kill me. She said that she couldn’t live with herself if she didn’t tell me because she didn’t want my death on her conscience. That was what pushed me to take a stand. Her words were like a compass directing me to what I had to do in order to survive. I searched and searched until I found the life insurance policy he had taken out.” She took a deep breath, held it for a few moments, and then released it. “It was all true; everything Tatiana said was all true.”

“Tatiana? Is she from Europe?”

“Czechoslovakia. She came here for a better life. She was living in an orphanage in Czechoslovakia with her little sister, Tereza; their parents had died in a car accident and they had no one to take care of them. One day a woman from America visited her orphanage. She told the manager that she wanted to take some of the girls to new homes in America and she had contacts with many families in America who were looking to adopt children. Tatiana and four other girls who could speak and understand English came over to America. She was full of hope and wanted so badly to be adopted and then help get her little sister adopted too. It wasn’t until after the first few weeks of their arrival that she suspected that something wasn’t right. They were moved around from one house to another house and watched by a group of men.”

Julius’ heart began to beat rapidly as he held his breath. He knew what was coming and he would give anything not to have to listen to the words.

“Within weeks Tatiana had been repeatedly raped, beaten and made to sleep with at least twenty different men. She said she lost count at twenty and thinks that it could have been more. Two of the girls she came with disappeared one night, she has not seen them again and thinks they may be dead. One day she saw a uniformed police officer in a squad car outside the house she was held in and ran to him for help. She didn’t realize that he was a customer. The police officer took her back inside and told the man in charge of the house to control his whores. She was beaten so badly that night with a baseball bat that she thought she was going to die. Now she does as she is told and trusts no one, especially the police. With everything that has happened to her at fifteen she still had the courage to phone me and warn me about my husband. She had one phone call which she could have used to save her life and she chose to use it to save my life! If that’s not Divine intervention I don’t know what is. So now I have a new purpose and I’m going on a mission.”

“What is your purpose and where are you going?”

“My purpose is to stop the exploitation of children. I’m going to Europe. I’m going to make sure Tatiana’s sister Tereza and Tatiana’s best friend Leona are safe and I’m going to help the orphanage in any way I can. And I’m going to stop this happening. I don’t care if I can only help one girl at a time. I’m going to help as many as I can. I can’t do anything for Tatiana. I tried to find her. I thought about calling all the ‘Singles’ bars and clubs that Nigel goes to but if I do that and the men watching her get spooked they could really harm her. I can’t go to the police, especially if some of them patronize brothels – they won’t help me find her.”

***

Inside the police station Detective Kowalski pretended to study the arrest sheet in front of him for a few moments then looked up, “Mr. McKenna, you have been arrested for the possible murder of your wife as well as assaulting two police officers. My men have found papers in your house which indicate that you took out a life insurance policy on your wife. You added a clause to include ‘missing’. How do you explain that? How do you explain that your wife is missing and you added a last minute clause to include payment if she is missing or if her body is never found?”

“I didn’t do that. I took the policy out, sure, but I didn’t add a clause. Someone else must have done that! It wasn’t me!”

“So who did it?” Kowalski asked. “The aliens?”

***

 

“I sold the house two days ago. The buyer has been after it for years and offered to pay within twenty-four hours. I stopped payment on his car and told the car people to take it back. Now I have about fifty thousand dollars in a private account and I’m going to disappear.”

“What if I can make that happen, Dorothy?”

“How?”

“I know an Agency that could use people like you in Europe to help stop human trafficking. I’ll help you get a new identification and disappear.” He thought of Elaina and he felt a surge of anger followed by . . . hope.

Dorothy stared at him, “You’re serious aren’t you?”

“When it comes to helping to save innocent children, I’m very serious. The question is Dorothy, are you?”

“Yes.”

“That’s all I need to know. First, let’s get my wife and son out of here. Cara’s brother is in London. He has a house in Oakland that we can stay in for a few months. You need to get a new perspective, I need to get some rest and then we need to get you to Europe.”

 

 

Ebooks from GLL Publishing available at Amazon, Smashwords etc – Books also available via http://www.gllpublishing.com

Despite all odds: A Dream Fulfilled Part 1

Despite all odds: A Dream Fulfilled Part 2

Truths, Lies And Untold Secrets

Blood Borne Connections

U Murder U (Suicide)

http://www.gllpublishing.com

https://www.facebook.com/gllpublishings.co.uk?ref=hl

https://www.facebook.com/Blood-Borne-Connections-book-121559344708084/?ref=hl

What Gives A Man

 

Blood Borne Connections – Chapter 1

Blood Borne Connections - book cover

GLL Publishing the publishers of the kindle version of Blood Borne Connections is giving a portion of the money raised from the sale of  the kindle copies to the Dream Centre in LA California where trafficked victims are looked after and given a chance to get their lives back together.

We are sharing some chapters of Blood Borne Connections with you starting with chapter 1 below.

CHAPTER 1

Knife gripped tightly in her hand, Dorothy McKenna stood next to her matrimonial bed and looked down at her sleeping, soon-to-be-dead husband, Nigel. So many thoughts and memories ran through her mind; some of them collided into each other leaving her consumed with sickening emotions. Wave after wave of these emotions, these hurts that she had kept at bay for so long, swept torrentially to the surface and demanded to be acknowledged. Loneliness . . . hate . . . betrayal . . . anger . . . pain . . . insignificance – it was as though her mind was a labyrinth that had captured her sanity within its walls. Each turn her sanity took was met by one identical path after another and no sign of the way out. Her face was flushed, her hair damp from anxious perspiration and her hazel-green eyes – crazed. The knife in her hand felt heavy, but not as heavy as her broken heart; she had seen years of physical, emotional and verbal abuse at the hands of Nigel.“You’re not good enough, you’re not pretty enough, you’re not sexy enough. You’re so stupid, Dorothy, you make the dodos sad they’re extinct! A baby dodo would look at you and think –‘Why us and not her?’ and ‘Man is she dumb!’ Of all the women in the world, I had to go and marry a dumb-ass.” A kick, a punch or the occasional slap would often accompany his cruel words. As Nigel’s wife, the years had not been kind to Dorothy; indeed they had brought her to this very day and this very moment.

It was nearly 3 o’clock in the morning and the room, though mostly dark, was slightly illuminated by shafts of moonlight that peered between the partially opened louvers of the plastic blind in front of the window. Feeling suddenly exposed, Dorothy moved to the other side of the bed that was hidden in darkness and stood there with her hand raised and knife poised, ready to plunge into her husband’s chest. She had been a nurse for over fifteen years and risen to the position of sister in charge at California’s prestigious St. Matthew’s Hospital. She knew exactly where the human heart was located in the chest and that it comprised of the left and right atria and left and right ventricles. Using the knife, she pointed at the vena cava, aorta and pulmonary artery then the right atrium, right ventricle, left atrium and left ventricle. As she pointed she named, and as she named she visualized. She knew just how many inches she needed to push the knife down to cause irreparable damage and maximum pain. She had even added a few more inches because she was sure that his heart was now so hard and cold that it would require a little more force to destroy it. The extra pounds he had gained over the years also played a factor.

Dorothy looked at her husband’s face and wondered, as she had done over the last few months, how things had come to this. After so many years of marriage was this how things would end? She would kill him and feel no remorse. Her lawyer would defend her in court by saying that Nigel had abused her and beaten her and debased her for years, and that she had had a moment of madness where she simply snapped. There was more than enough evidence locked up in a filing cabinet at the local police station to substantiate that this was all true, but deep within her heart, she knew the real truth: Nigel had killed her. She had made him her life and he had taken her life and thrown it in the gutter. She gave him love and he abused it. She gave him money and he misused it – mostly on other women. She paid all the utility bills and even bought the gas in his expensive car, the car she was still paying for – a direct debit of $199 each month.

She did everything she thought a good wife was supposed to do to make her husband love her, but in Nigel’s eyes, it was never enough. Had there been children, she might have been able to continue with the charade of their marriage, but they didn’t have any children because Nigel had said that he didn’t want to share her with children. He even said he loved her too much to share his affection and his time with anyone else. He lied to get what he wanted and when he got it he abused her until he needed something else – then he lied again.

“Are you going to stand there all night, woman, or are you going to kill me?” Nigel asked.

Shocked by his words, Dorothy froze momentarily; her heart literally stopped beating for a few seconds.

“Well, are you going to kill me or are you going to get into bed? Why does everything with you have to be over-emphasized and damn melodramatic? Either you’re going to kill me, woman, or put that damn knife away, get into this damn bed and get some damn sleep. I need you to be alert when you go to the bank tomorrow to get the loan for me. You hear me, woman, alert! This is California, not that hill-billy town in Arizona that you come from.”

Dorothy looked at Nigel; he appeared to be sleeping. She looked around the room. If he was sleeping, who had just spoken to her? Had he finally succeeded in driving her mad? Was this the moment of madness her lawyer would use in court to defend her?

“Nigel,” she whispered as she lowered the knife and leaned towards him. She could hear him snoring and saw the even rise and fall of his chest, which indicated he was still fast asleep. “Nigel,” she whispered again. He didn’t move.

“You see, this is what happens when a man like me marries a woman like you. I could have had any woman I wanted but I had to go and marry a stupid dumb-ass woman like you. Stop wasting my time, woman, kill me or go to sleep.”

She heard the words; they were his mean words spoken in his mean voice, but she could see that he had not spoken them. His lips had not moved and he was still asleep. She panicked. She put the knife down on the bedside table, ran her hands through her hair, banged her hands against her head intermittently and rocked backwards and forwards. She was scared. She wasn’t sure if she was dreaming or if she had already killed him and his spirit was talking. Suddenly a sickening feeling washed over her as she thought that maybe she was dead, maybe he had seen the knife in her hand and they had fought viciously – smashing and breaking things, he had overpowered her, grabbed the knife and stabbed her. Frantically, she checked herself for stab wounds – nothing. She looked around the room: nothing had been disturbed and nothing was broken; confused, she started to cry. Tears coursed down her face as her whole body trembled and she sobbed. After a few moments, her nursing instincts kicked in as she realized she was going into shock. She sat on the floor, put her head in-between her legs and breathed deeply. As she breathed, she reasoned with herself, “I can’t be dead; dead people don’t go into shock. Come on, Dorothy, take control of this . . . take control of this,” she whispered to herself.

“Take control Dorothy, take control Dorothy, take control Dorothy,” Nigel mimicked. “You don’t have control – I will always control you,” he said and laughed evilly.

Scared, she looked up, “What did I do wrong? Why do you hate me so much, Nigel?”

“Who said I hate you? I may not love you, woman, but like any good pet, you have your uses.”

“You hit me, you abuse me, and you cheat on me-”

“Why do you always have to be so moralistic? Look, my dad’s dad probably cheated on his wife. I sure know my dad cheated on my mom and I cheat on you, Dorothy, why can’t you just accept it? All men cheat-”

“That’s not true!”

“Yes it is – all men cheat,” he insisted.

“No, all men don’t cheat! Decent men don’t cheat! Only weak pathetic men like you cheat. Men who have no morals, no family values, no backbone or standards; men who do not see beyond their selfish needs to the damage they inflict on other-” she stopped and looked at Nigel. He was still sleeping.

“Why can’t you just accept the truth – you were too frigid for me and there was no chemistry between us? You couldn’t satisfy me. The truth is it takes a real woman to satisfy me, Dorothy.”

Like the pain of a fresh paper cut, his words stung for a moment then she shrugged their familiar discomfort off and braced herself. “You came to bed with bad breath expecting me to kiss you. You came to bed smelling of sex and cheap perfume expecting me to sleep with you. The truth is, Nigel, you repulsed me.”

Liberated, she stood up. She had never told him this before because, ironically, she had not wanted to hurt his feelings. She would make the odd comment now and then to him about brushing his teeth before he went to bed to keep them healthy or about having a shower when he got back in the evening. He never listened to her, and for years she had to endure his disgusting smells. “Sex with you, Nigel, was pathetic. There was no intimacy, no affection from you, and no lovemaking. It was less than two minutes of ‘stop-start-stop-start’ torture and you know what I did during those less than two-minute sessions? I would pray that you didn’t infect me with a sexually transmitted disease again! You talk about truth; can you handle the truth? You have called me frigid so many times; well most normal women would be frigid if their husbands smelled of old sex, broke wind like a pig in bed, snored like a dog and dribbled like a baby when they slept. You think that those drunks, those drugged-up, desperate women you’ve been sleeping with are normal?”

He didn’t respond

“Oh you have nothing to say now, do you?”

“Dorothy, listen-”

“No, no you listen; you have cheated on me with five women that I know about. You think I didn’t know that two of those women have had children for you? ‘I don’t want to share you with children, Dorothy’, you said to me time and time again. You didn’t allow me to have children! You lied to me! You took my money and spent it on other women. You made me work two jobs while you did one part-time job. You took everything from me, Nigel, including my self-respect! No more, you hear me? I will not live like this anymore – I have had enough!” She screamed.

At the onset of an act of madness, some scientists say that there is a moment of lucidity, almost like a way out of committing the act. This bizarre moment, however, can be lost in a blink of an eye. Is science really exact? Did this moment really exist? Dorothy McKenna was sweating, shaking and had just had a conversation with a man who was asleep. Her symptoms depicted that she was having a mental breakdown and was on the verge of committing an act of madness. She picked up the knife from the bedside table and looked at it for a few seconds, and then she took a deep, exhilarating breath and plunged the knife down with all her might. She let go of the knife, exhaled and smiled her first ‘happy’ smile in years.

Calmingly, Dorothy arranged some things around the room, collected a few personal belongings then walked out of her bedroom for the very last time.

Special offer: Get a free copy of ‘Despite all odds: A Dream Fulfilled Part 1’ when you buy any book from the GLL Publishing collection. Contact me at gladyslawson@hotmail.com for your free copy.

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